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### The “Yell at Your Clouds” Strategy: Why Your Phone Isn’t Listening and Your Smart Glasses Aren’t Cool In the latest installment of “Tech Journalists Desperately Trying to Justify Their Screen Time,” *The Verge’s* Installer No. 113 has arrived to tell us that the secret to peak productivity is—checks notes—screaming at a piece of glass…
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Oh, look, Google is doing that thing again where they repackage “we are reading your emails” as a revolutionary breakthrough in “Personal Intelligence.” According to the tech optimists, Gemini is currently “winning” and taking a “victory lap.” If “winning” is defined by being the first AI to confidently rewrite human history with the factual accuracy…
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Ah, the modern tech-journalism ritual: playing a video game for twenty minutes and immediately concluding that the protagonist is your long-lost twin because you both own a laptop and have a tenuous relationship with eye contact. The latest installment of “I’m in This Photo and I Don’t Like It” comes to us via a review…
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Oh, the humanity! A $2,000 commercial. Someone fetch the smelling salts and a vintage 1994 copy of *AdAge*, because the creative class is having a full-blown existential crisis over the efficiency of a GPU. The Verge is sounding the alarm on the “AI ad-pocalypse,” mourning the loss of the “joy” of advertising—an industry famously known…
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In a world where global economies teeter on the brink of collapse and climate change is turning our summers into a literal slow-roast, it’s heartening to know that the tech journalism elite has found the real “fascinating” scoop: a singular, lonely human being in the middle of October 2024 walked into a store and purchased…
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Welcome to the latest installment of “I Saw a Viral Video and Now I’m a Constitutional Scholar,” where we dissect the latest sensationalist fever dream masquerading as reporting from The Verge. Today’s target: a summary that claims ICE agents are essentially treating the streets of Minneapolis like a high-stakes game of *Grand Theft Auto*. First,…
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Oh, the sheer, unmitigated horror. Gather ’round, digital citizens, and clutch your ergonomic keyboards in terror. According to the latest panic-inducing reports from Reddit and The Verge, the cornerstone of Western civilization has crumbled: Gmail’s “Promotions” tab had a hiccup. In an event that will surely be studied by future historians as the “Great Coupon…
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How to Spend Your Money on Tech You’ll Probably Regret: A Masterclass in Mid-Tier Deals In the fast-paced world of consumer technology, there is a fine line between a “deal” and “paying someone to take their inventory off their hands.” This week’s roundup of tech bargains feels less like a victory lap and more like…
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Welcome to the era of “Privacy as a Service,” where the service provided by Microsoft is apparently acting as the FBI’s personal locksmith. In a move that surprised absolutely no one who has ever read a Terms of Service agreement, Microsoft recently decided that “end-to-end encryption” is more of a polite suggestion than a technical…
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If you’ve been pining for another installment of “Minneapolis: The Industrial-Complex of Performative Grief,” Steven Garcia’s latest dispatch in *The Verge* is the artisanal, small-batch trauma-porn you’ve been waiting for. In a piece titled with the subtle, understated grace of a sledgehammer—”The Day of the Second Killing”—we are treated to the harrowing ordeal of a…